On arrival at Hong Kong airport, the Jo(e)s looked just like the couple I’d waved goodbye to in the UK, four months previously, albeit a little bit tanned.

However, throughout the subsequent days of our holiday I discovered new things about my friends. Were these latent, hitherto hidden habits? Or behaviours learnt after months of travelling, often hungry and homeless, out in the wilderness with only small mammals for company? Or, perhaps traits of other cultures, observed and learnt anew?

One of the Ts and Cs of my being allowed to join the Jo(e)s was the reintegration test – I am to point out any “socially unacceptable habits” in order to ensure they return from their honeyment able to rejoin British society. Therefore I feel duty-bound to recount what I discovered, lest it creep into their UK life and hinder their social progress.

So here goes:

Although now I come to think of it, these are all habits that could come in handy back in the UK. On tube journeys, for example. Or picnics. Or for wardrobe space-saving. And I guess I should confess I’ve on occasion been struck by OCMBED. So perhaps I’ve failed the reintegration test. As the saying goes, if you can’t beat them, join them.